Lis Cashin's Blog

Feel the fear - and do it anyway

2011-11-09T22:33:00.000-08:00

As far as I could remember I had a fear of public speaking. Speaking to people one-on-one, or in small groups was no problem. However, every time I stood up in front of large groups of people my mind would go fuzzy, my palms start to sweat and a panic rise in my chest. People who knew me as being a confident person were always surprised to learn of my fear.

One of my goals in life is to become a motivational speaker. Obviously this does not match very well with a fear of public speaking! I remember a few years ago during a coaching session (where I was being coached), I realised that this fear was stemming from an incident that happened to me in my childhood when I had to go up onto a stage and ended up running off in tears. And I also realised that now I had a choice as to how I dealt with it in the future.

I knew that this fear was never going to go away on its own. The only way to conquer a fear is to face it, move through it and change your belief about it for the future. And so I thought about what I could do. A few years ago I attended a Presentation Skills workshop, which ended in me giving a 4- minute speech to an audience of around 12 people. I was absolutely terrified just beforehand and really nervous most of the way through. The feedback I got was fantastic. The lady who was running the workshop even asked me to come and join her organisation delivering Presentation Skills workshops into schools!

This lady had started her speaking career by going to Toastmasters – a worldwide organisation that helps people improve their communication and leadership skills. It is a really safe, supportive space in which to gain confidence about speaking in public as you regularly deliver speeches to your local group who give you constructive feedback and recommendations where you could improve for your next speech.

And so I decided that I would join Toastmasters so that I could learn the necessary skills to speak confidently. Shortly after I joined I was asked to deliver a speech in front of 50 people in my local community (including the Mayor). Even though the thought of it made me feel physically sick, I readily agreed to deliver the speech. On the day I was wondering what on earth had possessed me to say yes! I had got back from holiday the day before and was feeling severely jet-lagged. Nonetheless, I arrived smiling broadly and delivered my speech. Afterwards, again I was given some tremendous feedback and am now even featured on a business website for having delivered an excellent speech.

OK…. So you get the picture. Because I have a clear vision of where I want to be (motivational speaking) I worked out what I need to do NOW that will help me to take another step towards that. Even though this would mean me facing one of my biggest fears. I was able to do it because I KNEW that it is a part of what I really want to do in my life. Having the knowledge that this fear was not just going to go away by itself, I knew I had to just take action and get on and do it. By doing it repeatedly I would then change the belief that I couldn’t do it and every time get better and better.

I had a choice. And I chose to take action and to face my fear. If I hadn’t, then I could still be telling myself that I was too scared and that when I was feeling braver then one day I might do it. All the time wishing that I could just get on with it, and becoming more and more frustrated. Does this sound familiar to you? Is there something that you really want to do and are waiting for the right time/to feel braver/have more confidence and so on?

That fear is not going to go away on its own. To some degree, veryone feels fear as he or she moves forward in life and has to overcome things outside of their comfort zone. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out… and do it. Pushing through fear is actually less frightening than living with the fear itself.

Whatever it is that you really want to do and have been holding back through fear – go ahead. It may not be as bad as you imagine. Face the fear – and do it anyway!

A bit about me...

2011-06-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

Some of you will know from reading the “my story” page of my website or from some of the

articles written about me in the press that I had quite a challenging childhood. I grew up in an

environment where I didn’t feel safe and was bullied emotionally. I was also involved in a tragic accident at school when I was only 13 years old in which I felt responsible for the death

of a class friend of mine.

What this meant was that I took on a lot of negative beliefs about myself, others and the world and I built up a very negative picture of who I thought I was. One belief I took on was that I deserved to be unhappy. Because I believed that -guess what? I worked really hard to ensure that this was so! For many years I felt as though I was on an endless merry-go-round of sadness. There were happy moments, of course, but these were only fleeting, as I would never seem to allow myself to hang on to them for very long.

Although I ‘put on a brave face’ to the outside world, inside I was falling apart. I would wear a mask (of pretending I was OK) at work during the week and then at weekends I would go out and take drugs to escape the mental pain that I was feeling. Up until 11 years ago I believed that my life would always be this way. I couldn’t understand why I had been put on this earth to live in so much misery and sometimes I wished that I hadn’t.

I felt like I was living two lives; one where I had a job and pretended to be successful in the ‘normal’ world and the other where I took drugs and went wild at the weekends. The people in these two lives acted completely differently. You could say that I was a brilliant actress as I managed to ‘fit in’ to both worlds simultaneously. The energy it required to keep them both going, and to keep up the pretence, was enormous.

In March 2001 I had a big wake-up call. I had a car crash that forced me to move out of London and to re-assess my life.

Following my recovery I went to live in a different part of the country and began to rebuild my life. I was sent on a Dale Carnegie sales training course that had a profound effect on me. One of the concepts we were taught was “think and act positively and you will become positive”. For the first time in my life I actually realised that I had a choice as to how I felt and acted.

I was no longer at the mercy of life – no longer a “victim”. I could actually now

choose to think positively. This was great news indeed! After taking the training I

came first in my company’s in-house sales championship and runner-up in an

external competition with 25 other companies.

This was the real turning point for me. It was the moment when I really started to turn my life

around.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-04T05:39:00.000-08:00

First of all I want to start off by wishing you all a very Happy New Year! I can hardly believe that it is already 2011. The years just seem to be flying by.

Every year at this time I like to look back and reflect on the year that has been and to look to the year ahead and to make some strong intentions around what I would like to happen in the coming months.

2010 started off with a full moon eclipse. According to astrologers, the time around the full moon is a time of letting go (of old patterns and habits etc). A full moon eclipse meant that this was a particularly powerful time to be letting go and I know that many of you felt that that was certainly happening for you. A lot of people (myself included) felt very challenged during the year to let go of old patterns that were no longer serving to help us in life.

The great news is that 2011 has started today with a New Moon eclipse. The time of the new moon is the time of new beginnings and of making fresh intentions for what you would like to happen in your life. So today is a particularly powerful day to do just that and a perfect time to send you this newsletter to encourage you to set your powerful intentions for the coming months. And starting the year with a new moon eclipse is a very powerful way to start any new beginning of a project that you would love to create this year.

I began last year in India and what an incredible year unfolded from there. Here are just some of the highlights from my year:

I spent 2 ½ months in a meditation centre in Sri Lanka of which 3 weeks were in silence
I have finished writing my first book which is an autobiography focusing on the lessons that I have learned that have helped me to turn my life around
I was a volunteer teaching English in India to 3-8 year old children
I finally let go of many old patterns and beliefs that were hurting me and learned how to love myself
I made a choice every day to choose to live in love and not in fear (some days were easier than others!)
I volunteered with Urban Youth in East London that provides positive activities, support and training to young people aged 9 to 21 in Tower Hamlets
I am in my sixth year of volunteering at Alternatives in London who provide talks and workshops around spirituality, creativity, wellbeing and personal development.
I have provided coaching and mentoring to help people break through their destructive patterns that were holding them back from realising their true potential

Not a bad year! What about you? What choices did you make in 2010? And what choices would you now like to make?

What burning ambition do you still have that you have not yet achieved? What dream keeps coming back to you that you have not yet taken steps towards? Where in life are you allowing yourself to shine? And where are you still continuing to hide your light from yourself and others?

Every day you have a choice. I urge you to take some time today on this very powerful new moon eclipse day to reflect on your past year and to think about what you are now letting go of and in what areas are you are taking today as a new beginning in your life?

I would be delighted to hear from you if you would like to share your new intentions with me (and even what you are letting go of)

After writing out my intentions this morning I ended up with a statement which is a representation of my year to come and I wanted to share it with you:

“To have a fun and deliciously adventurous year filled with gratitude. To develop loving intentions and alliances in order to create a powerful (and authentic) positive lasting change in the world”

BRING IT ON!!

What an inspiring woman...

2010-07-07T03:55:00.000-07:00

I have been back in the UK for a month now and am just about settling back into western life once more.

Coming back to the UK after an extended period in a country like India, you cannot help but to see life and events that happen from a completely different (and for me much clearer) perspective than before.

One of the things that I missed most when I was away was Alternatives in London. Alternatives is an amazing organisation which hosts talks every Monday evening in St James church in Piccadilly. Alternatives are a not-for-profit organization who call themselves ‘a place of inspiration for heart, mind and soul’

I have had the absolute privilege of assisting with Alternatives for the past 5 years and I have heard some incredible speakers from all over the world, such as Esther Hicks, Neale Donald Waslch, Byron Katie, Doreen Virtue, Sonia Choquette, to name but a few.

Listening to these inspiring speakers week in, week out has had a profound effect on my own personal and inner development.

None, however, has moved me as much as Camila Batmanghelidjh did last night. Camila is the founder of Kids Company in London in 1996. They provide practical, emotional and educational support to vulnerable inner-city children and the work that they are doing is absolutely phenomenal.

Camila spoke from the heart and the audience was absolutely spellbound as she told us some of the stories about the children in her care and what life is really like for a huge number of these vulnerable and disadvantaged children (they are currently helping 14,000 children in London). Many people were in tears as they heard the terrifying circumstances in which these children live.

What made Camila so inspiring was her passion and her total dedication to helping these children to turn their lives around. She spoke calmly and simply and straight from the heart.

She told us that we simply need to see how amazing all of these children are. It is too easy to blame the kids when we see violence and drugs on our streets and to lock them into some young offenders institution to punish them for their “bad” behaviour.

But once you hear their stories and what has led them to living like this, you are able to see how incredibly resourceful they all are and all judgement then drops away. This is not to condone their behaviour at all. But unless we can all see past what actions these young people are presenting, unless we can see the scared and vulnerable kids frozen inside of them, then we are never going to work towards finding a real solution for them.

If you are interested in finding out more about Kids Company; either to volunteer or to make a donation, then please go onto their website www.kidsco.org.uk

What would you have done?

2010-03-07T06:13:00.000-08:00

I hope that 2010 has started as a great year for you all!

I have already had some great lessons in not attaching to pre-made plans
and just surrendering to whatever life has in store for me.

Seven weeks ago I came to Sri Lanka for 4 days to get a visa stamp for
my Indian visa.
Before I left the UK I had got a 12 month multiple entry visa for India
which is valid until July 2010. Even though the visa is valid for 12
months, you can only stay for a maximum of 180 days in India before you
have to leave the country and then you can come back in again. Up until
December 2009 it was possible just to go to a neighbouring country like
Sri Lanka or Nepal, get your visa stamp and then come straight back into
India. You could even do it on the same day if you wanted to.

In 2007 there was a terrorist attack on a hotel in Mumbai. Many people
were killed in the attack. It has since been discovered that the
terroists who planned the attack had used multiple entry tourist visas
to come in and out of India during the planning stages of the attack.

As a direct result of this, the Indian government decided in December
2009 to bring out a new visa change rule that would mean that any
tourist who was on a multiple entry tourist visa who left India would
not be allowed back in for a minimum of 60 days.

I arrived in Sri Lanka on 10th January, expecting to be here for 4 days
before I would take my flight back to Chennai, India. I was shocked to
discover that I would not be allowed back into India for 60 days (making
it 11th March!)

I stood in the Indian High commission in Colombo in total disbelief as I
was told by the officer there that this was a final decision and that I
could not appeal against the decision. On the official website it had
said that if you could prove that you were a genuine tourist (flights
booked/itinerary, etc) that you would be allowed back into India.
But here I was being
told categorically that I was not allowed back in.

I was initially angry that the terroists had been the catalyst for this
rule change and that India had decided to punish innocent tourists for
something that they had no part in.
By punishing innocent people it was as if the terroists had won in some
way.

Then I was upset as the reality of the situation hit me. I was alone, in
Sri Lanka (a country that I knew nothing about and that I had made no
research into as I was only staying for 4 days).

Within a few hours of hearing the news, I went from anger at the Indian
government and the Mumbai terroists, to sadness at my situation to,
eventually, a complete acceptance.

I surrendered totally to what was happening. There was nothing that I
could do to change the reality of what had happened. I knew that life
was guiding me towards something but I just didn't know what that was.

Even though, on the surface, my situation looked very challenging, I
said to myself, "whatever happens, I accept it". Even though I was
supposed to be going back to India to do some work that I had been
offered there, I trusted that life had something better in store for me
here in Sri Lanka.

The next day I headed down to a beautiful and quiet beach resort.
Looking around at the

gorgeous white sand and blue sea, I thought "Ok, so things could be a
lot worse!"

Having done a 10 day silent meditation retreat last November in India
and realizing that I was going to have to cancel the one that I had
been accepted to do at the end of January in Mumbai, I looked around to
see what options there may be here in Sri Lanka.

I discovered the perfect meditation retreat. High at the top of a tea
plantation, Nilambe has a daily meditation and yoga schedule and is
extremely peaceful with gorgeous views over the Sri Lankan Hill country.
I initially went there for a week and stayed for 5 weeks , 3 of which
were spent in silence!

This has proved to be one of the most intense, challenging, and
ultimately liberating few weeks of my life.

I could have resisted my enforced stay in Sri Lanka. I could have kicked
up a huge fuss at the High commission and made myself angry and more
upset during that process. I could have stayed stuck in a "why has this
happened to me?" mind game.

But I did none of these things. I completely trusted and surrendered to
what life was giving to me, not what I had decided was best for me.

And life brought me exactly what I needed.

How often do we do this? We are so fixed on doing what we have set our
minds to do, even when life is blocking us and showing us that maybe
this is not the right way for us to go.

Can you see anywhere in your own lives where you need to let go and
surrender to whichever way life wants to take you?

This trip to India (and now Sri Lanka too!) has been absolutely
incredible. I have learned so much more about myself and about life. And
now my book is well underway so that I may be able to share all of my
life experiences with you.

Anyway

2009-05-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centred
Forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some
True enemies
Succeed anyway

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway

The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway

Give the world the best you have, it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway

- Anonymous, found on the wall of Mother Teresa’s office

A time to reflect...

2009-01-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

I want to start by first of all wishing you all a very Happy New Year!

There is something quite magical about the new beginning that each January brings. It always seems to me to be the best time to let go of what is not working in my life and create anew whatever I really want to happen in the year to come. I take some time to reflect on what I have achieved over the past 12 months, what I am grateful for in my life and what I want to achieve in the 12 months to come.

What a year 2008 has been for me! The Top 5 highlights for me were that I:

• Created the LIVE IT! System, including an ebook, workshop, keynote speech and 1:2:1 sessions
• Appeared regularly in national magazines including Psychologies, Top Santé, Cosmo Bride and Healthy magazine and been interviewed live on the internet
• Worked with some amazing clients and witnessed some incredible transformations
• Sat 6 rows away from The Dalai Lama when he spoke at The Royal Albert Hall in London earlier this year
• Attended a Cashin family reunion in the Isle of Man with over 100 Cashin family members from all over the world, which resulted in becoming reunited with two gorgeous half sisters (and their families) who I am now delighted that I am getting to know better

So what about you? What did you achieve in 2008? What do you want to happen in the next 12 months?Using the LIVE IT! System, take 10 minutes in a quiet space, get a pen and paper and write down the answers to the following (for 2008):

1. What were your top 5 achievements?
2. What are you grateful for in the past year (and now)?
3. What would you like to let go of now?
4. What is your intention for 2008 (what are you going to achieve)?
5. What is your Vision (and values) for this year?
6. How are you going to put energy in to making this a reality (what actions will you take)?
7. What can you do that inspires you this year? What is your intuition telling you about this year?
8. Are you able to trust in yourself and in making your vision a reality?

I am grateful to so many people for supporting me and having faith in me in 2008, including; Damien, Fraser, Tom, Sarah, Mum & David, Dad & Yvonne, Sanja, Jude, Stuart K, Lou, Karen, Emma, Emma & Tom, Lucy, the Alternatives team, Nick W, Sue A, Hannah and all the wonderful people who I have networked with, worked with and been friends with… you know who you are!

Here's to an incredible, fun, inspiring, joyful, passionate, playful, connecting, successful, fulfilling, purposeful, loving year full of growth and learning.

And remember, it's no use just reading about changing your life… you need to go out there and LIVE IT!

Turn fear into more clients now

2008-11-20T02:32:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed how the world is being driven by fear right now? Financial markets are suffering, jobs are being cut and we are entering into a recession.

Fear breeds fear and it can be a very difficult cycle to break.

Stop for a moment and ask yourself whether you are caught up in this fear; are you focusing on day to day worries and how to pay the next bill, on the lack of clients that you currently have, or do you have a clear vision of where you are heading and are taking confident steps to reach your goal, no matter what the outside world seems to be telling you is happening?

During a recession there are always people who are still successful. Why is this? These people/companies do not get caught up in the fear that surrounds them. They are confident in themselves and their products and really understand the true value they bring to their clients. They are flexible to market conditions and never lose sight of their vision and goals.

The much talked about “Law of Attraction” states that you create in your life whatever you give your focus, energy and attention to. If you are constantly worrying about a recession, or focusing on lack of any kind – guess what? You will become fearful, contracted and stop taking the committed action you need to succeed.

Of course, the reverse is also true. If you are constantly focusing on the vision that you have created for yourself and are putting your attention and energy into ensuring that you have a great product that brings real value to your clients, then you will attract those people who really value who you are and what you do.

And they will be prepared to pay you… even during a recession!

Live internet interview!

2008-11-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

This week I am really excited as on Thursday evening (6th November) 8pm UK time I am going to be interviewed in a one hour radio chat with the very talented Damien Senn on his live internet radio programme entitled 'people you should meet'.

Damien says that http://www.peopleyoushouldmeet.com/ was created to help give people free access to some of the most inspirational minds on the planet.

The site was created as an expression of gratitude to all the incredible teachers that he has been exposed to on his own personal path of transformation.

The ethos of People You Should Meet is that every single person on this planet has special skills, talents and abilities that can only be truly realised through the process of sharing them with others.

I am incredibly priviledged to be part of this week's interview and I really hope that you will join us on the call where I will be talking about my own life's journey and how you can live your life 'on purpose'. Speak to you then!

What difference are you making?

2008-10-27T02:16:00.000-07:00

Last week I was invited to the "Coaching as an Integral Part of Society, Make a Difference Now!" event at the BT centre in London. This event was hosted by the International Coaching Federation and Sir John Whitmore was the very inspiring keynote speaker.

We looked at how coaching is/can have a major impact in the areas of education, global and local community and sustainability.

This got me thinking... what do you see as your definition of 'making a difference' and how are you making a difference in your business, community or life in general?

Stepping up

2008-10-14T01:19:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a roller coaster week for me. One of my intentions for this year was to have my life story published in Psychologies magazine. Through an amazing series of "coincidences" this is exactly what happened and I am featured in the First Person feature of the November edition of the magazine.

Seeing painful parts of my life in print in such a public way affected me in a way that I wasn't expecting. I suddenly felt very visible and there was some fear around that. What was I afraid of? I was afraid of being judged and of people questioning my motives. I asked myself, "Have I done the right thing?"

Then I remembered why I had gone so public with my story. I remembered all the lessons that I have learned from overcoming so much pain in my life. And I remembered that my intention is now to help as many people as I can through what I have learned. If I can change from being in such a negative mindset about myself and the world to one of feeling connected, motivated and inspired then I would love to help others to do the same.

In order to do that, I need to become visible. I need to face my fears and step up to the challenges that present themselves along the way, with courage and with love. Only then can I be a role model for others to follow.

Who do you think you are?

2008-10-07T04:47:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered where thoughts come from? Just think about that for a moment. As you think about that, just notice your thoughts. As you notice those thoughts… think about this for a moment…who is noticing the thinking of those thoughts? Now there’s a thought!

Sometimes, when people begin to notice their thoughts they begin to realise that there is an inner voice inside their heads that they hadn’t really thought about before. They believed that this inner voice was just their own voice talking to them and hadn't really paid it too much attention.

Just by focussing their awareness on their thoughts they began an incredible journey of self-discovery to find out who they really are. Just think about that for a moment!

So, I want to ask you one question: "If you are not your thoughts… who are you really?"

hello and welcome to my Blog!

2008-10-02T09:59:00.003-07:00

Hello everyone

this is my first Blog Post...

Lots of exciting news to follow...